I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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