someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
