And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
