Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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