its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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