she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
