k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
