is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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