Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
babies were throwing up all over the place
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
