he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
