all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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