I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
