we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
