I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
