i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
