Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The adults are the big ones right?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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