Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Randomize
