If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
