And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You are a genius and a whore.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
