Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
