I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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