Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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