dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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