i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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