I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
