Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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