I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
