im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
