So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
