My liver just broke up with me...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
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My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
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We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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