i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
