i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
