I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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