I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
