im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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