omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
