just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
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Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
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Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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