You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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