Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
