don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
