How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We left the knife in your bed.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
