i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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