i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
NoShamevember. You game?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
