White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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