please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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