I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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