I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
