she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
