And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
