This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
