Umm I'm too high to move.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
