I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
