You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
