OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
