I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
