She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
When are your genitals available?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
