i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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