Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
