wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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