Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
