All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
