Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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