capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
