Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
