I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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