can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
