I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just want nice things and good sex
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
