I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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