I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Randomize
