on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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