Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
