I will die if light touches me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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