I need help removing her.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
