I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
