They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
