dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
