Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
