you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
