I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
