I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
