I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
