Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
