im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
